Solo Chastity – Why Do Men Lock Themselves Up?

One of the most surprising things we discovered when we started Total Chastity is just how many men love doing chastity alone. Most of the allure is built around the dynamic between Mistress and slave, temptation and teasing, control and denial. Surely locking yourself up in a cage completely takes away most of the interesting parts of the fetish?

It turns out that solo chastity can be just as thrilling as partnered play though, as long as you approach it with the right mindset. So if you’ve ever thought about subjecting yourself to a chastity cage, you’re not alone!

Life Without a Keyholder…

The only difference between partnered chastity and solo chastity is simple: you don’t have a keyholder. Whether it’s a Mistress, a wife, a girlfriend or even a professional, the person holding the keys does a lot of work in the relationship. So going without one means that you have to work harder.

Perhaps most obviously, this kind of chastity play is going to test your resolve. There’s no-one to force you to stay caged. No-one to keep your key away from you. You’re in control, so if you want to unlock yourself you will.

This isn’t necessarily a negative though. Often slaves who have gone through a period of solo chastity will be much more committed than those who’ve always had a keyholder. When the time comes to bring a keyholder into your pledge, they can be much more willing when they know you won’t be constantly begging them for your freedom!

Not all slaves handle the pressure gracefully though, so you may need to figure out alternative ways to keep yourself caged over a longer period. Some use lockboxes, some hand their keys off to a neighbour on a set of spares, some use more modern devices with timers, and some even bury them in the backyard. As long as it creates a barrier between the thought “I want to unlock” and the actual action, it gives you time to reconsider your choice and change course.

Being Dominant and Submissive?

Beyond the simple consideration of the keys, there’s a more esoteric question that solo slaves must ask themselves. What kind of chastity do you want?

If you’re simply looking for a way to masturbate less, and think a cage is the way to do it, then it’s a relatively simple question. But if you’re looking for more from the fetish, and want to experience some of the dynamics that a slave with a Mistress gets to enjoy, then once again you have a little more work to do.

First, you’ll need to figure out exactly what you want to explore. Obviously some things won’t be possible, but you’d be surprised just how much of chastity you can do on your own with a little planning.

Then, you’ll need to figure out how to do it. What adjustments will you need to make to fill the role a Mistress would take? Are there any tools or equipment you’ll need to make it happen? How are you going to hold yourself accountable?

Finally, do it! It sounds rather simple when we lay it out like this, but with the right planning it really is.

The Solo Experience: Some Examples

Rather than talking around the topic more, let’s imagine some hypothetical slaves and the kinds of things they can do to fulfill their chastity desires.

Slave 1:

Slave one has a porn addiction, and feels like it’s starting to affect his life. He decides that he needs to do something about it, so purchases a chastity cage. To make sure he can’t cheat, he asks a friend to look after the key. He gives the key to his friend on Monday morning at work, and gets it back on Friday afternoon at the end of work. He spends the weekend uncaged.

Slave 2:

Slave two likes the idea of the control elements of male chastity, and wants to try it for himself. He spends some time thinking about the kinds of things he’d like a Mistress to do if she was in control of him, and puts together a chastity contract which lays out what he’s expected to do, and what his punishments will be if he fails. He starts to wear the cage and follows the rules he’s set out for himself, but fails at times. He sticks at it though, and starts to enjoy having elements of his life laid out more clearly for him. After his solo experience, he starts to seek out a Mistress to take on the dominant role.

Slave 3:

Slave three fantasizes about being used by a Mistress as a sexual toy. He cages his penis to make sure he can’t orgasm while he explores, and buys a suction cup dildo that he can use to “peg” himself. He also finds a local swinger group, and takes on a submissive role providing oral pleasure to some of the women when they meet up. He decides he likes being used, but doesn't enjoy pegging, so when he finds his own Mistress he’s able to have his preferences reflected in their agreement.

Each of these examples demonstrate some of the ways you can adjust your desires to reflect the reality of being a solo slave. While it’s not quite as simple as saying to your Mistress “I want to try this”, it can still be just as rewarding when you find ways to express yourself through your chastity pledge.

The Joys of Being Alone

We’ve talked a lot about challenges and difficulties when you embark on a chastity journey alone, but it’s not all bad! There are some real benefits to solo chastity too, and you get to enjoy them all to yourself.

Perhaps the most obvious (and somewhat counter intuitive in a fetish about submission) is complete control. Partnered chastity involves a discussion and agreement between the two participants, and often it’s not a perfect arrangement. One might have a burning desire to try a specific fetish, but the other takes it off the table. When practicing chastity solo, you have none of these problems! You get to decide exactly what kinds of dominance and what kind of submission you want, and then make it happen.

This freedom to explore isn’t just beneficial for your solo play either. If you ever do decide to try partnered chastity in the future, you’ll have a much clearer idea of what you do and don’t like. Many chastity relationships fail simply because the two participants aren’t completely upfront and open about their preferences, so they end up in a situation that makes one or both of them uncomfortable. By practicing on your own, you can figure out your own limits in a safe environment, and at your own pace.

With all the focus on partnered chastity, one group of people can sometimes get left behind. What if you’re in a relationship, but your partner doesn’t share your interest in locking you up? Sometimes this can lead to feelings of resentment, either from not having your needs met, or from being pressured into a chastity relationship that you don’t really want. With solo chastity you don’t have to miss out on the fetish just because your partner isn’t interested. Just make sure you talk to them about it so that their needs are still being met as well.

But we haven’t even mentioned one of the simplest benefits of practicing chastity alone. You can stop whenever you want! Sometimes men will continue wearing a cage and being submissive even if their heart isn’t really in it anymore, simply because they don’t want to disappoint their partner who still enjoys it. Alone, this isn’t a problem, you can just take the cage off. This also lets you gradually increase the intensity of your play at a pace that suits you, and take time outs when you need them, without needing all the discussions and agreements that come with partnered chastity.

Want To Give It A Try?

If you’ve been on the fence and we’ve convinced you to give solo chastity a shot, or if you’re already doing it, then you might be interested in some of these products that make a solo pledge easier than ever:

• Cellmate - A high tech chastity device that pairs with your mobile phone and features timers and long distance play.
• Keypod - A key lockbox which pairs with your mobile phone and features timers and long distance play.
• Inescapable Electronic Timer Lock - A padlock with an electronic timer allowing you to control how long you stay caged.