Ruined Orgasms

Control over a slave’s orgasms is one of the most powerful tools in a Mistress’s toolbox. But too often the conversation is reduced to a simple binary. Do you give him an orgasm, or not?

Moving past these binary options can make a chastity relationship much more fun and exciting, adding extra tension to every session as the slave doesn’t really know what’s going to happen.

One way of doing this is ruined orgasms.

What Is a Ruined Orgasm

A ruined orgasm is a bit of a strange thing to describe. Essentially the orgasm sort of happens, but also sort of doesn’t. Not very helpful, right…

Lets break it down a bit more.

First, we can compare it to edging. When edging, a person is driven to the moment just before the orgasm happens before the stimulation is stopped. This leaves them “on the edge” of orgasm, desperate to be pushed that little bit further.

A full orgasm keeps going until the climax, and lets people enjoy every part of the experience. This includes ejaculation, muscle spasms, endorphin release, etc.

The ruined orgasm falls somewhere between the two. You allow your slave to reach the climax so the orgasm begins, then stop all stimulation. He might feel some of the things he would during a full orgasm, like muscle spasms, but is denied the full cacophony of feelings that come with it. Often this leads to a “physical orgasm” where the body goes through the motions, but there’s no ejaculation. Sometimes this is called a “dry orgasm”.

Either way, the slave is left feeling unsatisfied, deflated, and wanting more. But as they’ve gone through some of the physical experiences of an orgasm, there’s often a refractory period afterwards where they can’t get hard no matter how much they want to.

Like I said, tough to explain. But most people have experienced one, so think of a time where just as you’ve reached orgasm something has happened to pull you out of the moment. Maybe the phone rang, or someone knocked at the door. You still had the orgasm, but didn’t really enjoy it. It’s less intense, or even frustrating!

That’s what a ruined orgasm feels like.

How to Know When to Stop…

To get a ruined orgasm right, you need to stop the stimulation at just the right point. But finding that point can be tricky.

Many people, especially men, aren’t that noisy when it comes to pleasure. So really get to know the way your slave reacts to stimulation. Maybe he arches his back. Maybe he bites his lip. Look for the signs that he gives when he’s getting close as a marker that you need to stop soon.

If that doesn’t work for you, then communication is the key. Making a slave tell you when he’s going to orgasm so you can stop stimulating him is the easiest way. But he might conveniently “forget”, in which case you’ll need to have a punishment planned out in advance.

Sometimes though, a full orgasm is inevitable. If you’ve been teasing him for a while, or edging him a lot, the slave might simply have reached the point that he’s so on edge that orgasm happens incredibly fast with relatively little stimulation.

You can still ruin it though by trying to distract him rather than letting him bask in the sensations. By the time they realize what you’re doing, the orgasm will be over and they’ll have missed out on a lot of the pleasure!

So Ruined Orgasms Are a Punishment?

Well… sometimes.

Depending on your chastity relationship, you might make the choice between a ruined orgasm or a regular one depend on the slave’s behavior. Or you might punish the slave for not giving you a satisfying orgasm by returning the favor.

But some men enjoy ruined orgasms.

For slaves that enjoy it, it won’t work nearly as well as a punishment, and for some it could even be a reward!

You could even make it ambiguous. Perhaps the slave is given four orgasms a month, but three will be ruined and one will be real. Not knowing the outcome can add a lot of tension to your play which makes it exciting for both partners.

Or getting the real orgasm at the start of the month could make him dread the next three. There’s a lot of room to experiment with how you include ruined orgasms in your chastity relationship.

Are You Willing to Try a Ruined Orgasm?

Great! But your partner might not be…

As with anything in male chastity (and BDSM at large), consent is king when it comes to ruined orgasms. Don’t just surprise your slave one day without him knowing what’s coming!

If it’s something you’re interested in doing, whether slave or Mistress, make sure to bring it up at a neutral time. Don’t do it in the middle of a session where emotions are already charged. If your partner needs time to think about it, give them it.

Once both partners have given the okay, have a little discussion about how it’ll work in your relationship. Maybe you’ll only do it occasionally, with advance warning. Maybe you incorporate it into your monthly or weekly sessions. Maybe you agree to be completely spontaneous, happy to do it whenever the mood takes you.

Iron out these details, and if necessary add them to your chastity contract. You’ll also need to make sure a safe word is in place in case anyone wants to stop the play.

Ruined orgasms are a very mentally charged kind of play. They involve feelings of frustration, disappointment, or sometimes even anger. That means aftercare is important too. Giving someone the time and care they need to deal with these emotions after the play is crucial to a healthy dynamic, so make sure to plan that out as well.

Humiliating Ruined Orgasms

A humiliation fetish is a common theme in a lot of chastity relationships, and can make up part of your ruined orgasm play. Some of it happens naturally, as feeling desperate and horny (and maybe even pleading for a real orgasm) can be quite humiliating. But some Mistresses take things a little further.

Most of the time, this is a very verbal thing. It can involve a lot of teasing during the build up to help put the slave more on edge, or questioning whether the slave “deserves a real orgasm”. Then after the ruined orgasm, the humiliation can take on a more derogatory form with phrases like “look at your pathetic penis now”.

Humiliation is also a completely different fetish, so if you want to add it to your ruined orgasm play you should do some additional research into humiliation.

Ruin Your Orgasms, Not Your Relationship

Like all relationships, you have to compromise. If your partner isn’t into it, then don’t force it. If someone decides they don’t want to do it anymore accept that decision.

But if both partners are up for it, ruined orgasms can be a unique way to experience sex. So don’t be afraid to try it!