How to Rest, Reevaluate, and Restart Your Consensual Female Led Relationship

A female led relationship (FLR) can be a thrilling trip into gender subversion, power dynamics, and kink. But it’s also a lot of hard work. So it’s entirely possible that at some point, one or both of you will feel like you need a break from your Dominant and submissive (D/s) roles.

While there are benefits to taking a break, declaring that you want to make a change can feel like a big deal. Particularly if your partner doesn’t feel like the apple cart needs upending.

So, is temporarily ending a female led relationship worth the hassle? And if you decide it is, how exactly do you go about it?

Taking a Break Has Its Benefits

A quick search on the topic of ‘taking a relationship break’ suggests that it’s rarely a positive move. Often someone will use it as a thinly veiled attempt to end a relationship completely. But your situation is different. You’re not looking to break up with a partner. You merely want to change or pause one part of your relationship.

That said, applying some of the principles of relationship breaks can help you navigate an FLR dynamic break. The most important part of the jigsaw is your reason for wanting to pause or stop it. Get specific about your why and the benefits you think a break will bring, and it will be easier to start the conversation with your partner.

Do any of these reasons feel familiar?

You Want to Free Her From Responsibility

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a low, mid, defined or total control FLR, if you sense that she needs a break from the responsibilities, then act on that. Taking charge in a relationship can be very demanding, so the break may benefit your partner by giving her the physical and emotional rest she needs.

You Need Some ‘Me Time’

The shoe can easily find itself on the other foot. You may well need a break from your submissive responsibilities and duties to have the time and energy you need to do other things that interest you.

There’s a Desire for More Equality

Most FLRs don’t start out as an FLR. Most begin in the same way as other vanilla relationships with the partners as relative equals. Returning to that status and those feelings can benefit both of you, particularly if you’ve been together for a long time or have been in your D/s dynamic for a while.

You Need Some Renewed FLR Energy

Removing what you’ve come to depend on, can help you realize how much and what exactly you miss about it. A break might be just what you need to take stock and remind yourself of all the bits you enjoy. It may also reveal any bits you want to change.

From Thinking About It to Talking About It

Discussing relationship ins and outs isn’t always easy. Particularly if you’re unsure how your partner will react or whether your decision will hurt them. But as tough as it may be, don’t avoid the chat. Expressing how you feel is valid and important for both of you. Here are some ideas on how best to approach the subject.

If It’s You That Wants to Press Pause

• Write down your reasons for wanting to temporarily end the female led relationship within your wider relationship. And explain what you’d like to achieve during the break.
• Find a practical and conducive time to talk. A time when you’re both present, won’t be interrupted, and have the energy for a relationship-related chat.
• Try and put some timings around your break and anticipate when you expect the FLR dynamic will return. Or if you can’t do that, state clearly that you want to see how it goes and that you’re open to discuss it again in a week or two.

It’s Your Partner Asking to Press Pause

• Try to stay calm, take a deep breath, and respect what your partner is requesting.
• Organize your immediate thoughts. If you need space to think about what they’ve said, tell them that. Explain you’re leaving the room but will be back shortly.
• Note down any questions you have, such as why they want to end the FLR and what they’d like to achieve from a break.
• Make sure you clearly communicate how their request has made you feel—good and bad.
• Avoid sub-bombing your Dominant woman if you can. This is similar to love-bombing, where you may make promises to be an amazing slave, that she can do whatever she wants to you, and so on.

The Practical Steps to Putting Your FLR on Ice

Every strength level of FLR has parameters. And drawing your female led relationship to an end means deciding how you’ll adjust those boundaries during your break.

Cage Contingencies

If your FLR is tied to your chastity pledge, get clear on whether you’ll continue to wear or remove the cage during the break. And if you keep wearing it, how will your pledge change so that you can continue without their input and enforcement?

Speaking of keys, where will yours go? They could remain with your partner. They might be happy to hold onto them during the break but relinquish their other keyholding responsibilities. But if they’re not cool with that, you’ll need to decide what to do with your keys until they’re back on board.

Watering Down the Dynamic

If her Dominance only extends to playtime then it’s likely you’ll completely stop for the whole of the break. But if your D/s arrangement goes further you may choose to dilute the dynamic rather than stop it completely.

For example, if you’re in an immersive, full-strength FLR you may change to only following the rules during playtime rather than all of the time. Or you may change what they have control over. For example, maybe her power extends only as far as what happens with your cock cage. It will no longer include controlling all the finances, choosing what you wear every day, and what you eat for dinner.

Make sure you discuss how decision-making around finances, family, and daily activities will change. Are there logistical changes to make such as accessing cash and bank cards or establishing a new morning routine if your current one involves acts of submission to help your partner prepare for the day.

Setting Break-Related Limits and Boundaries

Make sure you’re both clear on what actions and behaviors are and aren’t allowed during your break. Much like vanilla couples would. But I feel this is particularly important if you’re in a non-monogamous relationship.

Let’s assume for a moment that one of you wants to continue exploring power games and dynamics. How do each of you feel about doing that with other people?

How Long the Break Will Last

What we’ve covered so far might give you a steer on how long you need the break to last. But putting a firm time limit on it could be tough. Partly because you won’t know what feelings will emerge as a result of stopping your D/s dynamic. That said, it’s unfair to leave the whole subject (and your partner) hanging.

Try to think of a break in terms of weeks or months before returning to your roles. Or explain that’s when you’ll be happy to talk about it again. This way you and your partner have something to work towards.

When You’re Ready to Return to Your FLR

Despite originally intending to take a short pause, you might find that you prefer your relationship without the Femdom elements. And as long as you’re both content with that, that’s great. Carry on.

But if the break was the temporary stop you needed, and you’re keen to get back to it, you need to figure out how to do that, without falling into the same lulls that prompted the break in the first place.

First, Make Sure You Get Back Into Your D/s Headspaces

Just like when you need to reset your chastity mindset after a period of unlock, you may reset your Dom/sub mindset after your break. To help with that, you might try writing and reciting a mantra, or reminding yourself daily about the benefits of your FLR.

Make Sure You Update Your Contract

Before launching back into it, rewrite any areas of your contract that may have changed as a result of your on-a-break thoughts and feelings.

Set a Start Date

Once you’ve decided you want to return to an FLR, settle on a date for your roles to recommence. Starting right away is certainly an option. Or if there are logistical things you need to adjust before settling back into your FLR, having a deadline to get those things done could be really helpful.

Communicating New Perspectives You Gained on the Break

Suggesting a change within your relationship can be tough at the best of times. But the added weight of being the submissive in the partnership may make it harder still.

Whether you find it easy to speak to your partner or not, remember that conversations are likely to go more smoothly if you approach the subject gently, listen as well as talk, and remain calm and respectful of any emotions that surface. Ultimately, you’re aiming for your break to benefit your FLR, ensuring that it remains healthy, fun, and consensual.

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